So I totally missed my intended 1 and 2 month update posts, which just shows how much of a life changer having a baby has been. I’ve barely had chance to get to my desk and when I do I need to use the time to do paid work rather than update my blog. I’m now laughing at the dream world I lived in while pregnant thinking that I would work when he napped – WHAT NAPS????! When will he nap?! We are lucky at present as Casper is sleeping pretty well at night but doesn’t really nap well during the day which leaves very little time to get things done.
The biggest difference between newborn and now for us has been the sleep. The first few weeks were very full on with the steep learning curve that we were on and the fact we were existing on very little sleep. We made a decision before Casper arrived that we would try and do one night feed with expressed milk from a bottle so that we could both get a bit of sleep. If you’re going to be a zombie on little sleep it’s nice to have someone next to you feeling the same. At 7 or 8 weeks (how quickly I’ve forgotten when things happened already!) we started a night time routine for bedtime with a bath every night, then a feed and settling the little man in his crib. Luckily he took to it pretty well and mostly went to sleep without too many issues. Wake ups during the night have varied but we’re now at point where we dream feed him around 11/11:30 and then if the wind is blowing a certain way and I have the right colour pants on and the stars are in alignment he doesn’t wake up until around 6/6:30. Obviously that rarely happens so it’s still more like 4 or 5 but we’re making progress.
One of the other great things about 3 months is all the interaction we now get from our little angel. The smiles every morning when he wakes up and when he’s happy are the most incredible thing I’ve ever experienced. I wasn’t one of those mothers who have that sudden rush of love the minute they set eyes on their baby. I was too out of it from the drugs quite frankly and shell shocked from surgery and the fact we were now responsible for this tiny human. After that I was in too much pain and too tired to feel much and it took a while to really get my head around being a mum. 3 months in and I couldn’t be more in love with him and sometimes just thinking about how much I adore him scares the hell out of me. I read a book recently that encapsulated the feeling as something like you feel so much you can hardly bear it which is a pretty good description of it.
I’m still breastfeeding and have no immediate plans to give up despite being heartily sick of wearing the same 4 or 5 outfits in public that allow easy access. Getting to three months was quite a big target for me as I wouldn’t been able to give up before this point without huge amounts of guilt. That in itself is ridiculous as it shouldn’t matter at all how you feed your child, so long as they are fed but there’s so much pressure on mothers to breastfeed now that even if you don’t want to I think you’ve got to be pretty strong to stand up to all the medical advisers and the new mum community. People do judge, rightly or wrongly and it’s hard to not do what everyone is telling you is best for your baby. Now that we’ve passed the 3 month mark, if it’s not working at some point for either of us then I don’t mind so much moving to formula. At times I’ve felt like the bottle feeding gang must be having an easier time of it as the pain initially from feeding was pretty bad and it’s tough being the one who nearly always has to do the feeds. You also have no idea how much milk they’re taking from you as opposed to the bottle so you don’t always know if they’ve had enough and you also have to feed more often which can be a pain and more restrictive. Don’t even get me started on the times when you want to have a drink (Christmas has been covered using varying amounts of expressed milk!) that said, some days I quite enjoy the feeding and I don’t have to faff about with bottles when we go out. I think there’s pros and cons to both methods, I just wish there wasn’t so much guilt tied up with how you decide to do it.
There are loads of things that already I wish I’d done differently. I wish I hadn’t stressed myself out with all the baby books and things that I ‘should’ be doing. I wish I’d just gone with the flow a bit more and allowed myself to do whatever we thought best. That said, some stuff in the books is very helpful. It’s just best not to be too dogmatic about following them I’ve found. I also wish I’d been more prepared about the amount of fluid involved in parenting a new born baby. From pees that cover himself to projectile poo to puke there’s just so much liquid! Thank god for muslins and washing machines. I had no clue there would be quite as much changing of outfits and leaky nappies. It’s 2017 FFS, why have they not managed to invent a nappy that NEVER leaks?!
Things I absolutely love about being a Mummy are those smiles and laughs that we’re now getting and giving our little Froggy his bath at the end of the day, he loves it so much it’s great time to spend with him, even if it sometimes is spent dreaming of wine. I also love those cuddles when he’s a bit sleepy and not constantly headbutting me demanding more milk or clawing at me with those ridiculously fast growing fingernails! Watching him change every day is absolutely fascinating, far more than I ever thought it would be, it’s a real joy to watch him discover things and I’m sure that’s only going to increase with time.