The middle is a strange place to start when writing a diary, however, I’ve been extremely nervous and had a lot of anxiety around my pregnancy and haven’t really been ready share the news with anyone other than friends and family until now.
It was a long hard road for us to get to this stage, I’ve undergone so many procedures and treatments I’ve lost count. Fertility treatment isn’t something that should be undertaken lightly, it really does take its toll on you and your partner. The ins and outs are something I’ll probably write about at another time but luckily, our second attempt at IVF (there were many other fertility treatments prior to starting IVF) worked and I found out I was pregnant. There was a sense of unreality about it for quite a long time, especially as we’d had a positive and then a negative result in quick succession on our first attempt and found out it was something called a ‘chemical pregnancy’ where there’s a fertilised egg but it doesn’t implant. This time round I kept fearing the worst and at every scan was tensed for bad news but so far so good!
The first trimester
My first trimester was hard work. I felt very nauseous at all times of the day and night and had absolutely no energy at all. I often had nap during the day (thank god for my flexible job!) and some nights even went to bed at 8 and slept the whole night through. I’ve never felt tiredness like it. We went on a trip when I was 8 weeks pregnant to Dublin and France which looking back was probably ill advised. We’d booked it months in advance so didn’t know what might happen with timings but despite my doctors protests we still went and I spent most of the time wishing I was back at home and in my own bed. I was asleep early every night which must have been terribly boring for The Husband, luckily he’s very good at entertaining himself! Sometime around 11 ½ weeks I started to come out of the weird hormonal haze that I felt I’d been in for the last few weeks, my nausea gradually eased off and my energy levels returned.
The second trimester
After 12 weeks everything became a little easier as all the books and friends tell you however, despite everything telling you the risk of miscarriage dramatically reduces after 12 weeks I still found it very hard to relax. Now at 20 weeks I’m finally feeling much better about everything, less terrified that something is going to happen and able to start enjoying my pregnancy. I’ve currently got a cute little bump and having all these new curves is quite a novelty for me at the moment. I’m sure it’ll wear off as I get bigger and I’ll start worrying about looking like a hippo but for now it’s good as it’s a sign that the baby is healthy and growing as it should and nothing is more important to me than that right now. I think I may have even started to feel little movements in the last couple of days but it’s so hard to tell! It could well be wind ?
Being half way is a great feeling, I’ve been so anxious that I might not reach this point that it’s a huge relief. Obviously there are still lots of hurdles to go, the biggest one being labour of course, but I’m feeling slightly more confident each day that we might actually get there and eventually have our baby. Fingers crossed!